at this moment...

*I am elated at having finished quarterly report. We'll be starting the fourth quarter on Friday, but next week is spring break. In other words, I feel like I can actually freakin' breathe at the moment!!! I've got time to regroup and hopefully make a dent in the final quarter of the year. Will be soooooo nice to not feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. :D

*I am listening to "The High Road" by Broken Bells. Yes Chris, I am *still* more or less obsessed. :P

*I am fighting off thoughts of worry. Because I don't want to deal.

*I am debating curling up on the couch with my sick little boy and doing some fun reading before beginning to organize for the next quarter.

*I am ignoring that fact that there is laundry awaiting my attention.

*I am craving Granny Smith apple slices with coconut fruit dip...but will have to settle for just the apple since I don't have the fixin's for the dip.

*I am truly hoping that everyone is having a lovely, lovely week!

a week's worth

In an effort to not make this the longest, most boring post on record, I've decided to just go ahead and publish the past week's good stuff. Okay, it still may be the most boring, but at least it will be a shorter version of boring. :D (And no scolding--I am not picking on myself, I am merely affirming that the minute details of my life may not make for the most gripping reading for others. #luvana)

*****
January 27th "Good Stuff"

*Gray's concert. Yes, he was nervous, but never came close to breakdown mode. So happy for him. So very, very happy for him. :) And his best friend came to watch the concert, sat right up front in the audience in front of Gray...thus there were actually a couple of awesome smiles seen from Gray during the concert! (Honestly, we didn't even expect to see his face, as lately he tends to hide behind his hair whenever he's feeling uncomfortable.) Unbelievable, in such a wonderful, wonderful way. Plus, the concert was actually very good...the kids played awesomely well! Have to admit I wasn't expecting that. ;)


*Max and his graphic novel spree. He's kicking my butt. He finished up Zelda Oracle of Seasons last night, bringing his graphic novel total for the year up to five. (May not seem like much, but believe me, it is for this reluctant reader.)



*Finishing Annie's quarterly report!!! Such a relief to have another one of those behind me.


January 28th "Good Stuff"

*Gray's school raised more than twice the money they needed to build the classroom in Kenya. But no, they're not building two classrooms. Instead, they decided that all the additional money is going to be used to build a medical dispensary at the school. Is that not just beyond awesome? I swear I tear up every time I think about it. :)

*Ordering in pizza.


January 29th "Good Stuff"

*The boys didn't have school (grading day). Oh how I love the more relaxed mornings that "no school" brings. And not having to pack lunches. I know, that's such a silly job to despise, but despise it I do. ;)

*The power of words. I received two e-mails today that brought home this point. One from Gray's teacher, one from one of my best friends in the world. Two very different subjects. But what they had in common: both were ten words or less and both positively made my day! Yep, the power of just a few perfectly chosen words. :D #luvchris

*Finally finished another book. Eleanor Roosevelt: A Life of Discovery by Russell Freedman. I'm ashamed to admit how little I knew about her, beyond this vague notion that she was one incredible woman. So I not only enjoyed this book a great deal, I learned a lot, too. Can't beat that, right?


January 30th "Good Stuff"

*Kitteh pictures to cheer up a sick little boy. :) #luvana


January 31st "Good Stuff"


*We finally decorated the Valentine tree!


















February 1st "Good Stuff"

*Gray had a truckload of homework tonight, but he didn't fuss about it one little bit. That's one for the "miracle" category.

*We've had our Gazelle Edge for about a week now. I've done 30 minutes on it most days since...and I'm still not sick of it yet. ;)

*I finished another graphic novel--In the Small by Michael Hague. But lest you think I'm putting a dent in Max's lead in our little family graphic novel race, let me assure you that this is not so. He's finished yet another two--an Avatar book (not the movie, but the awesomely cool animated series The Last Airbender) and a reread of the Garfield Treasury that his "big brother" sent him. #luvchris


February 2nd "Good Stuff"

*I'm happy with the way my little Valentine thingies are coming out. Now if I can just finish them and mail them in time.

*Rich, knowing that I've just been blue lately, hired a babysitter (Annie :D) and took me out to dinner and then to B&N for some book shopping and coffee. Which yes, also led to new books coming home with me. That's like good stuff on top of good stuff on top of good stuff, right?

busy, but happy

I had high hopes for 2010...that I was going to keep myself more organized and not let myself get behind on things. Yeah, not really working out that way. ;)

Does anyone else feel guilty when they can't keep up with their blog reading? Especially with the blogs of your very favorite people? *sigh* I hate it!!! I mean, in a way, it seems silly to feel guilty about it. Everybody goes through overly busy patches. I know I certainly don't feel offended or hurt when someone doesn't read my blog...so why do I worry that other people will feel that way? Just silly, I know.

On the homeschool front, I managed to get a lot of work done last weekend, but I'm afraid it just wasn't enough to make up for how unbelievably far behind I got in December. So I'm still sort of in overdrive here trying to finish up all that needs done before the end of this quarter. (The quarterly report is due next Friday.) After that, life will hopefully calm just a bit as new deadlines will be off in the distance. :) Yep, after I get that report written next week, I hope to regroup. We'll try for a little more organization then, I suppose.

Anyway, I'm not complaining. Just explaining. Hopefully, I will then be able to get my act together and make my "good stuff" lists on a daily basis, actually finish some of the many books I have going finished, catch up on what's been going on with everyone, get some creative projects finished...

*****
the last few days of "good stuff"

*Having my own personal music picker-outers who introduce me to awesomeness I would never discover on my own. Ana, I finally listened to the I Am a Bird Now CD. *hanging head in shame that it took me so long* Already I'm in love. Antony's voice is pure heaven. And I just know that I'm only going to fall more and more in love as I have a chance to better soak up the lyrics. Thank you again! #luvana #luvchris

*And also in the #luvana #luvchris category: Having friends you trust so completely that you can discuss touchy issues without fear, make awkward confessions knowing you won't be judged, and share goofy little anythings with the knowledge that they won't think you're a complete idiot.

*Feeling optimistic about getting a "new start" after this quarter is over.

*Thrifting with Rich yesterday. Damn, but I love hanging out with this guy! :D We hit three thrift stores, and found lots of great stuff, including a new coat for Gray. His winter coat was sort of falling apart (not a good thing in upstate NY), but we found him a wonderful one that looks practically brand new. And I found some great stuff for Annie. She's so awesome in that as much as she loves clothes, she never feels like she has to have new, brand-name stuff. We buy nearly all our clothes from thrift stores, and we secretly worried that someday that would start bothering Annie. Bad me...not giving her nearly enough credit.

*And speaking of Miss Annie, she got her grade from her last college course. Another A. So proud of her. Not because she's "smart"...that's the luck of the draw. But because she works hard and she tries new things even when she's nervous about them.

*The boys both gathered up their money...they didn't have much, but they scrounged up their change and whatnot and each came up with almost $5...and donated it to the Walk for Kenya fund raiser Gray's class is hosting. And Annie gave each of them $5 as well. Rich and I were of course already sponsoring both boys, and we never asked them to donate their own money; they all just did it on their own. It just makes me very happy to see that their hearts continue to be caring.

*Anticipation! It's just soooooo wonderful to have awesome things to look forward to, isn't it?!!
--Mom and Dad gave Rich and I a "coupon" for four days/three nights of babysitting in February. They've been doing this for the past several years, keeping the kids for a few days over winter break. Rich and I always have sooooooo much fun! Going wherever we want, whenever we want. Eating whatever and whenever we want. Staying up as late as we want without having to worry about the munchkins getting us up. Yes, it's positively heavenly!
--Hopefully getting to meet Amanda in May! Still working on this one, but am very hopeful. #luvamanda
--And ZOMG...the cat is already out of the bag, so I don't feel like I'll jinx it anymore by talking about it, but one of my very bestest friends in the whole freakin' wide world is coming to visit in August!!!!!! Giddy, yeah, that doesn't begin to describe how this has me feeling! And I've got a houseful of people here sharing the giddy, too! #luvchris

my own worst enemy

Okay, so the "good stuff" is good. I've found that keeping track on a daily basis really does help me...seriously, I'm amazed how much it can help my mood!

But it's sort of also brought out one of my worst traits: my habit of feeling guilty about everything. In this case, I've found that when I'm having a bad day, or when I'm really upset about something, or especially when I upset about seemingly nothing, the guilt really goes into overdrive. I find myself thinking, "Grow up, Debi. Look at all the good stuff in your life. You are so damn blessed it's frankly ridiculous. You have no right to be so upset."

But I know that in reality, denying bad feelings isn't healthy either. So I've decided to give myself one day a month to just bitch. To just let it out. To be as whiny as I can be. And let me tell you, I can be whiny.

So sticking with the theme of "my own worst enemy"...

Other things that I make myself miserable with guilt over:

*Not homeschooling the boys. Despite the fact that we constantly reevaluate their educational needs, etc. and try our damnedest to do what is best for each kiddo as an individual, I feel so guilty that Annie ends up with so much more of my time (because of school) than the boys do. And events like what happened last evening, when Gray came in and just broke down in tears, begging me to let him stay home on Tuesday so he wouldn't have to sing and dance in front of the whole school, just ratchet up that guilt a-hundredfold.

*The time I spend on the computer, despite the fact that it is my entire social life.

*Not being able to do it all...from keeping up with blog reading (contradicting the item above, so see it's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't deals)...to making everyone I love handmade cards for every occasion...to cooking three well-balanced meals a day for my family to...

And it's not only with guilt that I seem determined to make myself miserable either:

*I drive myself crazy even with the things I love. Like reading. I get sooooo frustrated over having so many books going at one time. And yet I can't seem to break the habit. (Sure, some of it can't be avoided because of school, but much of it could.)

*Sleep. I'm actually pretty darn lucky in that I'm one of those people that seem to be able to function fairly well on less than an ideal number of hours of sleep. Good thing, because since Gray was born (Gray has NEVER slept well), I'll bet I could count on my fingers the number of nights I've had more than 6 hours of sleep. And I don't think I've had a single night where I've had 6 uninterrupted hours. But it used to be okay...I seemed capable of dealing with 5 or 6 hours of sleep, even when I had to get up several times a night with Gray (or a combination of someone elses). And I think that was because I could always just drop back off to sleep immediately the second I crawled back into bed. But those days seem to have taken a hiatus. Hopefully a short hiatus. Now, I go to bed and am inevitably woken up 2 or 3 hours later, but then I can't get back to sleep. For hours. Eventually, I do...but then I have to get back up to start the day. I think I've had one night in the past week and a half when I got a total of more than 4 hours of sleep. And well, 3 1/2 hours is just not enough, even for me. So stupid brain or body or whatever it is that is doing this to me, just stop it, okay?!!!!!!

*Our house is a disaster. I know, seriously, I know that having an immaculate house is not the most important thing in life. And while I keep the bathroom clean and other essentials, for the most part I just can't keep up...there's just too many other things that are more important that demand my attention. But see, the thing is, when the house is a mess I just feel more stressed out. For the most part, it's not even a conscious realization. Until I manage to finally get things looking good again, and I notice how great I feel. (For about two hours until everything's a mess again anyway.)

*One of the worst things of all is that I'm not superwoman. I just CANNOT get caught up with homeschooling stuff. I just can't. A good week, I spend 40 hours at it. An average week, more like 60. A killer week, pushing 80. And still, I'm never caught up.

Whew. Honestly, that felt good. Though, yes, I do feel guilty for being so whiny over such little things. Hopefully it will last me until February.

good stuff...a babbling version

January 8th "Good Stuff"

*Finding out that the intersession class Rich is teaching doesn't meet on Fridays...I'd thought it was Mon.-Fri. Such a happy, happy surprise!!!!

*Silly me should have mentioned this before...Rich is not in the Bahamas right now. :) Okay, I honestly never begrudged him his January trips to the Bahamas. Really, I didn't. But on the other hand, I'm not going to complain that he turned down the opportunity to co-teach the marine biology class there this year. I like having him here with me. With us. And seriously, not just because I don't have to shovel the daily snow we've been getting. ;)

*And speaking of snow...I know I say it all the time, but oh how I love it! And we've really been in the typical lake effect pattern since the end of December, and this just makes me so very happy! We usually only get a couple of "big" snows (as in 18+ inches) per year, sometimes only one big snow a winter. But thanks to living so close to the Great Lakes, we do get snow most every day for a few month stretch. Not a lot of snow per day...generally one to four inches. Enough to keep things looking beautiful all the time because there's always fresh snow to cover the ugly brown stuff from the snow plows, but not enough to cause problems to people who are used to it. Yes, I do believe I am utterly spoiled. :D

*Songs that make me cry. Every single time I listen to them. Like Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens. Thank you, Ana!

*Documentaries. And the fact that I get to watch them for school so often. :) Yesterday, Annie and I watched World in the Balance: The People Paradox. (Actually a NOVA episode, I think.) So good. Also yesterday, we watched the third lecture of AIDS: Evolution of an Epidemic, a four-part lecture series by the Howard Hughes Medical Institute. Yeah, see, despite my bitching about all the work that homeschooling is, it really is a pretty good gig, huh?

*An added bonus to watching movies for school...I get to crochet! Watching TV is usually the only time I have to crochet and knit. And I really have very little time for watching TV. So "having" to watch it for school...well, you can't beat that, can you? :D


*This guy. Officially Lucky. Though we tend to call him Luxray. Of all the non-human animals that share the house, this guy is definitely the life of the party! (If we were including humans, it would be a tough race between Luxray and Maxidoodle.) Lux is such a character. Playful as all get out, rascally as hell...and yet so damn affectionate. Yep, we're all so grateful that this fellow came to be part of our family. Even Aldo, though she'd never admit it. (And in the wee hours of each morning, when he's woken me yet again for some pampering, I'm loathe to admit it, too.)

Sheesh, it's still morning. This babbling might just make novel length if I don't just hit "publish." Not that having a mile-long list of good stuff is a bad thing, of course. :D

as I ramble away some more

Think I need a break from geometry today. I'm not complaining, mind you...relearning geometry is not the worst thing I can imagine (though not the best thing, either, of course). But I actually sort of enjoy doing proofs. Anyway, I think I've been doing too many of them the past few days. Last night I dreamed that I was a assigned a two-column proof to "prove" that the Printz winners were deserving of their praise. Yeah, I know that makes no sense, as is the way with dreams. And, as is the way with dreams, it made perfect sense within itself. Bottom line, I think I'll switch to some Envi Sci prep today.

December 29th "Good Stuff"















*This tea. Mmmmm...heavenly. Doesn't quite edge out my all-time favorite, Hot Cinnamon Spice, but it certainly puts up a good fight. Even better good stuff--the awesome friend who sent it to me!!! (Thanks again, Chris!)

*Listening to my incredibly sweet boy chatting away on the phone with a friend. Maybe that doesn't sound like much, but truly it is. Seeing the joy that Gray is experiencing in having a good friend literally brings tears to my eyes. I don't expect that he will ever be much of a social creature, and that is perfectly fine...but having one good friend can make such a difference, and I'm so very happy for Gray that he has found someone that he can be so comfortable with.

*The perfect poem. The kind that overwhelms you. The kind that is more than just an intellectual, or even an emotional experience, but that is also a full-blown physical experience. "Tulipomania" by Katrina Vandenberg was that poem for me yesterday. I will reread it, and reread it, and reread it, and it will continue to haunt me.
And this "good stuff" also came to me with the help of others--obviously Katrina Vandenberg, but also Ana who urged me skip ahead in the book to read this poem, and Chris who so sweetly gave me this beautiful book of poetry (Atlas) for Christmas. Thanks guys!

When I decided the other day to record the "good stuff" daily, I assumed that I would just list one thing per day. But I guess this is part of the beauty of the exercise...in making the effort to notice the happy things that daily life brings, I'm finding that my days are overflowing in them...